My Man Jeeves

LEAVE IT TO JEEVES

Jeeves—my man, you know—is really a most extraordinary chap. Socapable. Honestly, I shouldn’t know what to do without him. On broaderlines he’s like those chappies who sit peering sadly over the marblebattlements at the Pennsylvania Station in the place marked“Inquiries.” You know the Johnnies I mean. You go up to them andsay: “When’s the next train for Melonsquashville, Tennessee?”and they reply, without stopping to think, “Two-forty-three, track ten,change at San Francisco.” And they’re right every time. Well,Jeeves gives you just the same impression of omniscience.

As an instance of what I mean, I remember meeting Monty Byng in Bond Street onemorning, looking the last word in a grey check suit, and I felt I should neverbe happy till I had one like it. I dug the address of the tailors out of him,and had them working on the thing inside the hour.

“Jeeves,” I said that evening. “I’m getting a checksuit like that one of Mr. Byng’s.”

“Injudicious, sir,” he said firmly. “It will not becomeyou.”

“What absolute rot! It’s the soundest thing I’ve struck foryears.”

“Unsuitable for you, sir.”

Well, the long and the short of it was that the confounded thing came home, andI put it on, and when I caught sight of myself in the glass I nearly swooned.Jeeves was perfectly right. I looked a cross between a music-hall comedian anda cheap bookie. Yet Monty had looked fine in absolutely the same stuff. Thesethings are just Life’s mysteries, and that’s all there is to it.

But it isn’t only that Jeeves’s judgment about clothes isinfallible, though, of course, that’s really the main thing. The manknows everything. There was the matter of that tip on the“Lincolnshire.” I forget now how I got it, but it had the aspect ofbeing the real, red-hot tabasco.

“Jeeves,” I said, for I’m fond of the man, and like to do hima good turn when I can, “if you want to make a bit of money havesomething on Wonderchild for the ‘Lincolnshire.’”

He shook his head.

“I’d rather not, sir.”

“But it’s the straight goods. I’m going to put my shirt onhim.”

“I do not recommend it, sir. The animal is not intended to win. Secondplace is what the stable is after.”

Perfect piffle, I thought, of course. How the deuce could Jeeves know anythingabout it? Still, you know what happened. Wonderchild led till he was breathingon the wire, and then Banana Fritter came along and nosed him out. I wentstraight home and rang for Jeeves.

“After this,” I said, “not another step for me without youradvice. From now on consider yourself the brains of the establishment.”

“Very good, sir. I shall

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