THE BUSINESS, AS USUAL
By JACK SHARKEY
Illustrated by TRATTNER
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Magazine August 1960.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Giving Certain Powers the business for a change
would be a joy—but it must not backfire—and
here at last was the perfect recoilless diddle!
In 1962, the United States Air Force found itself possessed of aformidable tool of battle, a radar resistant airplane. While this wasthe occasion for much rejoicing among the Defense Department memberswho were cleared for Top Secret, this national-defense solution merelyposed a greater problem: What should we do with it?
"There must," said the Secretary of Defense, "be some utilization ofthis new device to demonstrate to 'Certain Powers' that the world canbe made safe for Freedom and Democracy!"
"'Certain Powers,' my foot," said the President. "Why don't we evercome out and just say it?"
"Policy," the Secretary said. "We've always walked softly in ourForeign Policy; especially softly in cases where we didn't have the'big stick' to carry."
"Well," grumbled the President, "we've got the big stick now. What dowe do with it?"
"We just want to shake it a bit," said the Secretary. "No contusionsintended, of course. We just have to let them know we have it, butare too kind-hearted to use it. Unless provoked, naturally."
"I can see," said the President, "that this new plane is burning a holein your pocket. Suppose we do send it flying over Rus—"
"Mister President!" said the Secretary of Defense.
The President sighed. "All right, all right. Flying over 'CertainAreas,' then. Let's say we get it there. Fine. What do we do with it?Drop leaflets?"
"No. That comes under the proselytizing clause in the Geneva Conferenceof '59."
"I don't suppose a small—well, you know."
"Aggression," said the Secretary. "We'd lose face in the Middle East."
"So?" demanded the President, spreading his hands. "They don't like usanyhow, do they? Or the competition—or each other, for that matter."
"That's not the point. We have to feel as though our dollars arebuying friends, whether or not it's true."
"Well, then, what can we do?" said the President. "No leaflets, noaggression. We couldn't maybe seed their clouds and make it rain onthem?"
"And get sued by other countries for artificially creating low-pressureconditions that, they could claim, robbed them of their rightfulrainfall? We've had it happen right here between our own states."
"Maybe we should just forget about it, then?"
"Never! It must be demonstrated to the world that—"
"We could take a full-page ad in the New York Times."
"It just isn't done that way," the Secretary protested.
"Why not? It'd save money, wouldn't it? A simple ad like, 'Hey, there,Certain Powers! Lookie what we got!' What'd be wrong with that?"
"They'd accuse us of Capitalistic Propaganda, that's what! And to getthe egg off our face, we'd have to demonstrate the plane and—"
"And be right back where we are now," the President realized aloud,nodding gloomily. "Okay, so what do we do?"
The Secretary looked to left and right, although they were alonetogether in a soundproofed, heavily guarded room, before replying.
"We drop an agent!" he whispered.
The President blinked twice before r